Shinravs.Starbucks
by Rufus J ShinRa1
Summary: Heh. Anyone who likes the idea of Sephiroth owning Starbucks and taking over Shinra and the Turks addicted to coffee should read this


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Shin-Ra vs. Starbucks  
  
  
  
  
  
Rufus Shinra sat down in his gigantic office sipping a nice good soda. After passing a new law banning this and that he felt relaxed. Unfourtunantly Cola manipulated his body. Rufus broke wind.   
  
"Ugh....air freshner...need air freshener...." Rufus said spraying the can around.   
  
  
[Starbucks hq]  
  
Sephiroth the new President of starbucks drummed his fingers. After giving the Black Materia and his Masamune in exchange for the company he intended to bring Starbucks to the Final Fantasy world. And taking over Shinra incorperated. Sephiroth smiled at the thought....but his smile turned to upside down after his body let out the results of the chili cheeseburger he just ate.....  
  
  
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[Some annoynomus bar in Midgar]  
  
  
The Turks were outside the new bar that opened up in town. Work didn't start in two hours so they went to thier favorite hang out spot. Tseng fiddled with a yo-yo but he wasn't good which resulted in Tseng hitting Reno on the head with it. Reno dropped his Tequilla shot.  
  
"Dammit Tseng that stuff is expensive." Reno yelled.  
  
Tseng shrugged and tried to do a baby's cradle with the yo-yo but it hit Rude's shades off. Rude's sunglasses hit the floor and shattered.  
  
"Tseng those were my only pair....." Rude said bawling.  
  
"sorry Rude....I'm gonna get some fresh air..." Tseng said and the rest of the Turks followed. They stood on the steps of the bar just as a bright light emerged with Sephiroth. Sephiroth was about to speak but a ball on a string hit him in the face. Tseng was playing with one of those cup and ball thingies.  
  
"wahahhahaha I am here to take over Shinra and retake the world." Sephiroth said.   
  
"How do you intend to do that?" Elena asked. Sephiroth showed her a cup of coffee.  
  
"I own a BIG coffee company now. have a sip." Sephiroth said. Elena took the cup and took a sip. She automaticly stated seeing double and her eyes became bloodshot.   
  
"Like it? It's called Latte." Sephiroth said. Reno,Rude and Tseng all took sips and became adictted.  
  
"Give me some buttwipe!!!" A high on coffee Reno said to Tseng. Tseng punched Reno and took a sip. Elena grabbed the coffee from Tseng and chugged it down only to be tripped by Rude. Rude spilt some on his blue uniform but he sipped down the rest. The Turks were addicted. They needed more. Reno started seeing pink elephants with top hats while Elena saw little people. Tseng and Rude saw "little people" and started talking to them. Sephiroth chuckled. Now he was in control.  
  
  
  
[Shinra HQ]  
  
  
Rufus finished his autobiography: 101 reasons why I'm so evil and great. All of a sudden the door collapsed and all four Turks stood there with Bloodshot eyes.  
  
"Why the hell aint you kidnapping people get back to work you lameasses!" Rufus yelled.  
  
"Latte,Macchiato,Cappichino,Espresso.....Need it all...." Reno said in a zombie voice.  
  
"Tall,Grande,Veniti sizes....lot's and lot's of coffee..." Elena said in a simmaler voice arms raised in front of herself.  
  
Sephiroth appeared with a grin on his face.  
  
"Your company belongs to me now Rufus. I put the Turks out of commision. Surrender Shinra inc." Sephiroth said.  
  
"Make me Sephiroth." Rufus yelled. "Get him my Turks!!!!" Rufus ordered.  
  
The Turks just stood there stoned.  
  
"Turks, if you throw Rufus out the window I will give you frappachino's." Sephiroth said. The Turks drooled and picked Rufus up and tossed him off the 70th floor window......  
  
  
  
  
  
[Tifa's 7th heavan]  
  
  
Cloud was sitting in Tifa's bar drinking a cocktail he nearly choked on the olive when somthing crashed through the door.   
  
"Honey get in here! Rufus just crashed through the roof!" Cloud yelled and Tifa rushed over.  
  
"So the mighty evil dictator is dead?" Tifa said. Cid got off his booth.   
  
"Naw let me find out if prettyboy is still alive..." Cid said and he took a stick and started poking Rufus with it. Rufus yelped out in pain.  
  
"Yep he's still alive." Cid said. Rufus sat up.   
  
"Sephiroth,Starbucks must stop them!" Rufus said. Rufus explained the situation.   
  
"TO THE HERO MOBILE!!!!!!!!" Cloud said.  
  
"You mean the chevy?" Cid asked.  
  
"Yes." Cloud said as they ran off.  
  
  
  
  
  
[Shinrabucks HQ]  
  
Sephiroth had taken over. Shinra was now Shinrabucks. The city was in chaos. He smirked as he looked out the window showing a grisily scene....Turned over cars,burning buildings. The Turks were looking for more coffee and were turning everything over in thier path. WHich worked to his advantage. Ther more independent coffee shops they looted the less competition there was. Just like in real life.  
  
  
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[Streets of Midgar]  
  
"I found a way to cure the Turks." Cid said avoiding the water from a destroyed fire hydrant.  
  
"How?" Rufus asked ears ready.  
  
"Decaf Coffee. We pour it in thier proccesing plant and when the Turks have thier next cup.....BAM!!!!" Cid said. Rufus and AVALANCHE rushed towards the Shinrabucks processing plant. As they went Reno busted open a coffee shop and drank all the contents. People ran screaming as ELena sank her teeth into peoples necks expecting to find coffee.   
"Caapucchino,Caramel Macchiato.....gotta drink them all....." Tseng said as he knocked out several sirens drinking the content.  
  
  
  
  
[Shinrabucks processing plant.]  
  
Rufus jumped onto the conveyer belt pouring in the decaf coffee into the proccesser.  
  
"I hope this will work." Rufus thought.  
  
  
  
  
  
[Shinrabucks HQ]  
  
  
The Turks took a sip out of there Espresso's. It tasted diffrent. There eye's went back to normal color and they focused.  
  
"Oh my god Sephiroth has taken over Shinra!" Elena said.  
  
"I need a mint." Reno said noticing the coffee taste in his mouth  
Tseng pulled out his Yo-yo and walked down the asile and they smashing all the merchindise. Sephiroth came down from his office chewing on some coffee flavored bubblegum.  
  
"Why the hell ain't you stoned and wasting everything and talking to pixies?" Sephiroth asked.  
  
Reno stuck his tounge out and grabbed his crotch. He had too pee....very bad. The Turks soon realized this and headed for the bathroom.  
  
"Ladies first!" Elena yelled but was tripped by Rude. Rude ran for the portapottie but Tseng punched him out of the way and jumped into it. The Turks screamed and tipped the portapotty with Tseng in it spilling the "contents" while doing some sort of war dance on top of the tipped over potty . Tseng screamed and the Reno went for the nearest pay toilet.  
  
"Hold it Sephiroth!" Rufus said shotgun aimed. Sephiroth no longer had his masamune so he brought his backup weapon. A 6 foot long umbrella.   
  
"What are you going to do with that thing?" Rufus yelled as the umbrella poked him in the eye.   
  
"Ow! THAT HURT DAMMIT!" Rufus yelled Sephiroth laughed as he tripped Rufus and threw the umbrella away and started beating Rufus with a trout. Sephiroth prepared to deliver the final blow but Cid sneaked up behind Sephiroth and hit hm with a coffee jug knocking Sephiroth out.  
  
"It-it's over." Rufus said as he collapsed.  
  
  
[Streets of Midgar]  
  
  
Every toilet in the Sector 5 area was destroyed. After letting out thier 90,000 gallons worth of coffee from thier bladders the Turks had flodded the city with thier.....waste liquid. Maybe things would never change. Tseng reached for a cup and ball but was stopped by Reno.  
  
"Don't even think abou it dot boy." Reno snarled and Tseng sighed and walked down the street twirling his yo-yo around hitting civvilians. Yep things were back to normal.  
  
  
  
[The other world]  
  
  
A once again defeated Sephiroth had a new plan. Some nerdy guy gave him his company called Microsoft. Now Sephiroth owned PC computers.  
It was only a matter of time.........  
  
THE END  
  
  
EPILOUGE: The Turks volunteered to clean up thier coffee and toilet mess. AVALANCHE went back to thier normal duties of protecting the planet. Sephiroth tried to take over the FF6 world with Microsoft but failed at the hands of Kefka. Sephiroth a employee at Mcdonalds flipping Big Macs. And Rufus brought Shinra back and ruled the world with fear again. What a happy ending.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
